Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
