Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
