he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
