Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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