Duck Duck Cougar?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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