Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize