I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
