this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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