it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can I color on your dick again?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
