this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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