but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Congratulations! We have a period
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