tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
a search helicopter?!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
