I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
