I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
