I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
