K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize