i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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