i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
