I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize