Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
