I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
