I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
