I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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