the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
