sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
