We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize