Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
