We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
