Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
