I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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