Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize