I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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