Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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