I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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