My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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