You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
