No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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