Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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