I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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