Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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