and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
