you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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