Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When are your genitals available?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
