return my video game
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize