I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
foreskin is a definite game changer
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize