I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
