Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You ruined the universe
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
