do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
