oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
