somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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