Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
