these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
