Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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