yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
