Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize