I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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