i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
