I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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