you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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