If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
