Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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