you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
