genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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