Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize