you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
