We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I puked a lego.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize