Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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