So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
