proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
