My room smells like vodka and shame
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
