I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
