He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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