Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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