i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
