the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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