i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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