Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
