Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
