he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
