Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
