and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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