I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
