And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
