No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize