Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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