Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
