I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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