We need to rekindle our bromance
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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