Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
