I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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