Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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