Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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