a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
