time to smoke my breakfast
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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