3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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