i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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