i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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