you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
