She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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