The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
