Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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